Gender roles, flying ants and new roads

We now have just a few days left in Aru before we set off back home to the UK. It has been good to be back and to deepen our friendships here.

As ever, being here is a mixture of good and bad. The relaxed lifestyle is very enjoyable. People have been even more friendly and welcoming this time round. There is something about coming back which they think “OK, they are really interested in us”. We have had more people dropping round to see us, and felt more comfortable about dropping in on others ourselves. If you know someone, and they are outside (as they often are), you never walk past their home without stopping for at least a few minutes. So, we have had many more conversations about life here compared to life in the UK. We wanted to get a better understanding of the respective gender roles and so have asked a few of the people we trust.

It appears that, not surprisingly, the women do the work. In practice this means:

·       they get the hot drink in the morning (people here do not have breakfast, just a hot, sweet, drink of tea).

·       get the children ready for school,

·       work the land (nearly everyone has some land they are growing their crops on, even if they have full-time employment. If they do not have employment this may be all they have),

·       prepare the lunch time meal (sometimes yesterday’s evening meal re-heated)

·       prepare the evening meal

·       fetch the water (using large, 20litres plastic jerry cans which are carried on the head)

·       do the washing.

However, it is usual that the women will be helped in these tasks by their children and/or by other young people they have living in their household. This latter group may be people who are in some slight way related, but they might not be. In return for helping in the household they will have food and housing and possibly their school fees paid for. Children of both genders help, each having a set of allotted tasks. We have also been told that women want to have large families so as to make sure that there are people to look after them when they get old.

In the towns, there is some paid work so both men and women might have jobs. In this situation, it seems that it’s still usual for the women to do all the jobs at home (helped by others as described before).

Apparently the men in rural areas have a leisurely life. During the day they go out and meet with other men, stand around and then come home to eat and be looked after by the women. In rural areas they do not help at all in the home, though they probably do work on the land. To do work in the home would be seen as disrespecting the women, implying they are useless. However, we have seen a slightly different model in the diocese. For example, men have helped clear plates and helped out when there is a ‘feast’. We have also been told that these men help the women when the women are too busy, but this seems to be done behind closed doors as some would think it wrong.

Much of this comes from the idea that, once married, the man ‘owns’ the wife. This is why they have the bride-price (one area pays 3 cows and 7 goats). This is to pay the family for the loss of the woman, and shows that the woman is respected. Women we have spoken to about this think it is incredible that we do not have this in the UK; that not having the bride-price means women cannot be respected. It is also clear that both men and women want to be married. Neither wants to be single.

Obviously we observed a lot that was different for us when we came last year. This time things have been much more familiar. However, the evening of the ‘flying ants’ was not fun. When it rains the termites fly. They are regarded as a great delicacy by the Congolese who simply take off the wings and eat them – apparently most of the world eats insects and they are a great source of protein. A couple of weeks ago there was a storm after dark. We had just settled to our usual evening occupation of playing a game we have brought with us (there is nothing to do here after dark) when we started being hit by a couple of flying ants. These are quite large, pretty hopeless fliers with little directional control. They are easy to swat but as soon as we had got rid of these two another few seemed to arrive. Despite the windows being shut we had at least 15 – 20 of the things flying around (and into) us at any one time – after a while they fall to the ground, their wings come off and the resulting grub mooches about for a while until Pete stamps on it! Loose fitting clothes were a risk as they might fall into them and down your back (or your cleavage if you are Gill!). After about 45 mins we retreated and went to bed early, and the security of the mosquito net. In the morning we found that they seemed to have been hatching from inside a window as there was quite a graveyard.

Another thing we have seen this time is how you make a road. For various reasons an existing ‘road’ in the diocesan area is being moved. This was done by simply ploughing up a new area, blocking the old road and making it clear this was now the way to go. The actual road was indicated by bits of branch etc. Within days the new road had been compacted into a clear road (by feet, motos, bikes and the very occasional car). It is already, after two weeks, almost looking as if it has been there for ever.

Back to the UK soon. Yes, once again we will miss being here but it will also be good to be home!